Today’s blog is another discussion about how we can change to become a better person from travelling. I’m going to be comparing how instead of trying to “find ourselves” we should instead focus on finding out about others.
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For this discussion I am sharing an excerpt from my memoir, which tells the story of my time in India. I’ll start with a bit of background before I get into the memoir excerpt.
While in India, I was living and working with a few locals in Bangalore at a preschool. I spent the majority of my time with my coworkers’ friends and family, which made me feel like some kind of adopted Canadian relative. I loved it.
I was constantly amazed at how so many things felt foreign and strange to me in India, while at the same time I became used to them so quickly.
My friends were shocked at how I tolerated (and loved) the spicy food, and how I tolerated (and thrived) in the heat. My housemates would sleep with only a top sheet and the fan on full blast, whereas I had a thick blanket and the fan off most nights. They often joked that I was not a real Canadian and that my parents had to be from Andhra Pradesh (an Indian state known for super spicy food).
When I first tried Indian tea, I had no idea how much cream and sugar I was about to consume. Unlike the tea I am used to which is usually served black with cream and sugar on the side, I was served this thick sugary hot beverage. Though not what I considered as ‘tea’ in my mind, I began to consider tea time in India as dessert time, which worked for me. Who doesn’t like a midday treat?
To me, one of the most fun things about travelling is trying out new things like this for yourself. Sometimes you end up liking the new things so much you make them a part of your life forever after.
The tea, I would definitely like to have every once in a while. But there was one thing I wasn’t able to wrap my head around. Below is the excerpt from my memoir.
On the opposite side of the globe, expect whatever is normal for you to be turned inside out.
Even the way people did daily tasks like sweeping or washing dishes was a chance for me to watch and think about how we live our lives differently in the smallest and simplest ways. Sweeping is a fantastic example actually. If you didn’t know, in India, and in most of Asia, people often use short brooms that have a short handle attached directly to the bristles. To reach the floor to sweep up a mess, one needs to hunch over since the broom is so short.
Don’t try to think about this logically, that maybe these short brooms are obviously for shorter people—that’s not the case at all. These brooms are so short that even the smallest little lady still needs to hunch over in order to get her sweeping done. Appearing obviously painful to me, I asked [my coworker] Shreyas why they wouldn’t just use brooms with longer handles so they don’t have to hunch over like they are suffering from severe scoliosis. His response was hardly helpful for me to understand.
“No, no they like it this way,” he said, shocked that I would even suggest the change. To this day, I still don’t understand the short broom thing. I secretly wanted to find a way to bring long handled brooms to our cleaning lady, and see if she was willing to give her back a break. Or if what Shreyas said was the truth, and that she would just prefer the shorter ones.
A lot of time we hear people talking about “finding yourself” and discovering how we fit in within the world. And though it is very much a part of our personal growth, I don’t think it is as good of a reason to travel how some people talk about it.
“Travelling solo is such a great way to find yourself!” I’ve been told by countless people back home and abroad. To me this is a strange thing to say.
To find myself, I should fly to the other side of the world?
Literally speaking, wherever I go, I find myself there, whether contemplating my mother’s grocery list in NoFrills, wondering what she meant by “green sauce”, or in a crowded temple in India, trying to decipher if the sweat on my skin belongs to me or the lady squeezed up next to me. Wherever I go, I am there. If I need to find myself, all I need to do is look down where my feet are taking me to be aware that I am there, and my two legs brought me there.
Figuratively, finding ourselves does not require any specific environment or situation either. Our ability to see clarity in ourselves, and understanding what makes us who we are, is less dependent on our outer environment, and more so impacted by our mindset.
We have the ability to find ourself in any place on the planet. Our mind is the only thing stopping us. Going to that beach in Bali likely won’t prepare our brain for any big epiphanies, and chances are taking that Instagram perfect picture and hashtagging #wanderlust won’t help much either.
I think there is a much more obvious and important thing that we gain from travelling, which some people forget. Travelling is an incredible opportunity not to find ourselves, but to find out about others. In what ways are we similar, and in what ways are we different? We might encounter a number of foreign behaviours and things which don’t make sense to us, but sometimes we encounter new things that we are compelled to incorporate into our lives for the better.
The saying, “You don’t know you don’t like something unless you try it,” is very fitting here. In travelling we encounter so many new ways of doing things, there is no better chance to learn and try them than when we are abroad. In travelling we have the opportunity to learn about different ways of life from different people. The sweeping, I’ve tried, and I definitely don’t like it. However, there are some things that I have incorporated into my life thanks to my extensive experience absorbing new ways of life.
I remember one morning I made breakfast for Shreyas and Munish—a cinnamon raisin oatmeal sweetened with a bit of brown sugar. Shreyas, utterly disgusted by the “lack of flavour” proceeded to make his own version which included masala spice and green chili. I was equally shocked by his own oatmeal creation.
To be honest, the spicy oatmeal isn’t bad, but I still prefer the sweeter version. Later on while I was grocery shopping again, I noticed they actually sell pre-packaged masala oatmeal packs as a quick healthy breakfast option. I realized a lot of what is normal for me is completely strange for my Indian friends and vice versa.
I learned many things about life while in India. It was an opportunity for endless thinking; considering arranged marriages, masala oatmeal, eating food with hands, and bathing with a bucket of water instead of a shower. If I hadn’t travelled to India I may have never realized that there were alternatives to oatmeal flavours.
Finding out about others, and simply listening is a special opportunity we have while abroad. Listening is a really important skill to master, and to do so without judgement or opinions is even more useful. Learning how to listen, while putting aside whatever definitions of normal which we possess is the best way to make the most of what we experience.
When we are in a foreign place, this is our duty, because we are the outlier, and we are in fact abnormal in that environment. We should keep this in mind as we are immersed in new surroundings. We should listen and absorb as much as we can, and see new things not as abnormal, wrong or strange, but simply different.
If we are open to what is foreign, we better understand the reasons for someone’s behaviour and characteristics, and become more compassionate towards them. To look at something different with admiration or respect, rather than confusion or disgust—this is what we can gain from travel. Finding ourselves is something we have endless opportunities to do, regardless of where we are. But finding out about others, and practicing how to properly listen and learn without judgement, this is a special opportunity which travel presents to us.
That’s it for today’s excerpt!
I think this excerpt pretty much speaks for itself. Finding out about others is the true opportunity for us travellers out there.
We should try and alter our thinking to become less self-centred, and realize that the world does not revolve around everything that we already know and are used to. We can only hope to learn and experience everything that is available on this planet in a single lifetime.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this excerpt and find the story interesting make sure to subscribe to my email list so that you don’t miss out on any new travel ideas, and excerpts from my memoir.
Wishing you all the best in your future adventures and I hope you find some magic wherever you go.
Much love,
Dee
